Back to back

Today I’ve been taped with kinesiology tape. But the reason for why goes back to ester two years ago, more accurately than so I don´t know but most likely this goes back further than that date. 

But I´ll start to tell you about my day. 

After being treated for almost an hour with cracking my back and neck and dealing with trigger points from the neck, middle of my back down to my bum and out in the arms and the feet, by my newly found physiotherapist. I located him through recommendations from a friend. After trying most of the techniques why not try him out. I couldn’t be worse and the pain really has escalated the last months so i thought I could give it a try. 

I was surprised of how he asked me questions and actually seamed to listen to my answers, demonstration a prototype in plastics different possible diagnoses and what they could be derived from. He were the first one to actually take time to hear me out before hand and also treat me as a likewise not treat me as a child. He then asked me to lie down, after doing some neck and back tests standing up to se the movement of my muscles. A pain that made me sweat incredibly. He then suddenly stopped and asked me sit up. I felt like I lost 10 kilos of weight, I also felt that I could breathe and that I had the power to hold up my own neck.

 

Then he started to bend my arms and ask when it felt this and that, placing the first piece of tape. “What help will it do” I asked but in the same time as my words came out of my mouth I felt a strong relief in my whole arm up to the neck. “I take it back I said” almost at the same time. He kept on crating a tattoo of tape on my neck and upper back. It felt as if I had a strong hand holding up my neck helping my posture to stable the neck.

I went home still surprised of the effect of a piece of tape.

 

So, how did I end up here at the first place you might ask? It’s a long story but I will try to keep it short to you.

Three days before Easter- day, two years ago, I woke up with a terrible pain in my back. I tumbled out of bed, managed to get dressed, even though it felt like I had done a hard hours exercise, got my clothes on and left for a seminar at university. Two days later, the day before Good Friday, my pain grew and when standing at the subway it felt like thousands of needles did hit my back at the same time. It caused such a pain that I apparently screamed out loud, the reason I know that is that I recognized an idiot screaming and thought why don’t she stop, until I realized that the idiot was me. This was the beginning of what was to come, a long-drawn process of doctor visits, chiropractor, massage, advices to go and see a psychologist. Three months of not being able to grab anything, not even a glass; limited in getting dressed, as my arms couldn’t go further than the shoulders; not being able to work and hence live on credit. The diagnoses were many; fever in the muscles in the back, burnt-out, stress -related to the best of them all: there is nothing wrong with you back. 

I started up with exercises given by my chiropractor mixed up with yoga and pilates as well as I could. In the beginning I was to sore to even to anything, I slept about 14 hours a day and I could only wear soft clothes and do maximum one thing per day. I cut down on my hobbies, my social life and of course the kickboxing had to be put out aside so also rough forms of party and late nights. 

I felt helpless for the first time in my life. I couldn’t handle anything on my own. I could find my self sitting on the floor crying because I couldn’t even open my own door to get out of my apartment. When taking a shower I had to do it one thing at the time. If I did the hair one day I could do the body the next and so it kept on. Also not to be able to work or gain any income could make me cry, I have always taken care of my self and paid for the things I wanted and needed, but now I wasn’t able to do so any more and I didn’t get any money from the government either due to various circumstances. 

I managed to find my self a part time job that I could handle with my back and also psychologically. To work four hours demanded a ten-hour sleep and that I went straight home after work. I slowly extended my working hours and since Christmas this year. Two years since my back collapsed, I could almost manage full time. I had put up my own recovery program with exercises and to do´s  such as cut down on social life and other to let my back relax while I wasn’t at work. It has been two years of film and lots of episodes.

The wise ones says´ that to those owners of a great Ego something drastic occurs to awaken them. It will force them to revalue their life, to search or to build something out of it. When, or if, they come out on the other side of it they will see thing from a different angle. A more unselfish approach will grow. It makes reminds me of an old say that my grandma used “ what does not kill you, makes you stronger “.  This phrase is true and therefore it’s hard to hear sometimes, especially when you’re in the middle of your pain or process, but even more needed then to remind you of keeping the faith.