What do we do when we get of track? Yes, right, we get back on track again. Maybe you need to stop at depot to repair what has been broken and maybe to come up with a new strategy. Then you push the gas and get back out there keep on with you laps. And you enjoy it!
Wise words from my neighbor. I’ll tell you the story that made him say this. But first let me start by saying that It’s Friday! After work and a weekend lying ahead, well at least for some. For me the day just goes on. Usually they are filled with things to do but it is things that I do not have to do. The backside is that I won’t receive any money on my account, and that do form a cloud of uncertainty over the days. Now you might say. Why don’t she just get a job. That’s what I used to say so I understand you. But believe me it’s not the easiest thing to do anymore. There are lots of jobs I can’t do due to by back- issues and if that frustrates anyone I can assure you that I have gone crazy over this lots if times. Because it put me in the position that I’m not able to fully take care of my self. I have always done that and now I’m more than often dependent on help from others.
I haven’t even been good when it comes to herbalife this week, nor done any exercise. I tried on Monday but it did hurt too much in my spine. I have not been able to swim as I have this tape on my back and arm. But I could very well have been out taking long walks everyday, but I didn’t. Yesterday on the whole day cruise when broadcasting. I prepared my self with a morning shake and my vitamins. Had a small breakfast on board, like a snack, and a steak for lunch but then came the afternoon and I was thinking of making my self a shake but I thought too long so that I lost my energy and just grabbed a sandwich like everyone else. It made me lazy. When back home I had a shake to stable the stomach and it felt better but still I should have had that shake in the afternoon when I first felt that eager for something. I think I have to sharpen my sense of when and what I need and make sure that I do what I can to fix it. But it’s hard to get a structure in all this, especially when I am not sure what form of structure I want.
As a wise person once told me: When lost go back to the beginning and your answer will appear. (Maybe that actually were said by Yoda in Star Wars) well either way it is a wise say.
So, I am back on square 1. My meal- and sleep watch in at the daily and to believe in, and sometimes convince my self that love is everything and everything is love. Most important I have to remind myself to believe.
Well, back to my neighbor; today he stopped by; found me lying in the sofa watching television. Totally off. It is not that I have had to much to do, neither bored nor that I couldn’t do anything productive like meet up with some friends, write an article or edit some radio, or even maybe find a job that I could apply for, because I could. But I did choose to lie down and be feed. I did hide. Why I asked my self, it is not like me to give up, neither to not take control of my life. Or at least it was not. Maybe I as feed before as I am now laying her watching television. But just in another way. I did everything, as I should, it appeared to be controlled but did I actually have control. I doubt it. Maybe now, after my six years of late teenage revolt I am on my way to build my life the way I want it. The hard thing that comes with it is to really find out what do I want?
I want to share something I found in a book the other day, and rewind to my late teenage years. From the time when I started to go to clubs (when 16) I have been 23, and I still am. In September I turn 27 and I can assure you that I have longing for that day. I can’t really tell why or how but it just has been that way. Then I read this and it kind of gave me an explanation but at the same time it confused my head even more.
“ We are all connected with our angel as a child. Its presence is strong when we are newly born. (…) When she experience here “self” in a Freudian way, she begins a divorce form being one with everything, from the universal consciousness And the birth of an “I” even by some defined as “ the ego”. As time passes and the child starts talk, walk and think she moves towards the worldly. The emancipation processes up until the 21st and 28th year, when she in her human form do take the most responsibility for her destiny, even if she now are trying to reconnect or reestablish a connection to the world of angels”.
It made me think that maybe this explains my curiosity of the spiritual world and also my escape form everything during these years. But what stills cant leave my mind is that it says up until 21st and 28th not in- between but maybe that’s what it means or maybe it just says that it is this period in life that this comes to surface, this is when we have to deal with our selves.
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