Since January I have attended a book club at the House of Tibet here in Stockholm. We are reading the book when things fall apart:heartadvice for difficult times by Pea Chördön.
We meet every third week and discuss the book. Tea and lovely persons kind of gave me the answer to my previous post of disorder and frustration.
The answer might not be clear but it made me look at it from a different angle.
We came about this quote.
"Can you capture the golden moment when troubled feelings of feeling like being an outsider and loneliness comes as from out of the blue when you wake up in the morning? Can you relax and touch the boundless space of human heart instead of torturing you self and feel that something is wrong in your sadness and longing. Try it next time! "
The discussion kept on around compassion and emptiness. Two major in dharma, the Buddhist teaching.
Haven´t you also felt that you are walking around, programmed, like a robot you are processing through day and night. I have.
We are so built up; we have worked, and still are, so hard on building and keeping our mask that when we step outside our own profiled self we get the feeling that we are loosing something. But instead we are peeling of something that we have created as a layer on top of our true self. I know this might be gibberish to you but my point is that we are all so afraid of loosing something we believe we have that we blind our self to see our true self, and others to, we actually don´t see at all. When I sit down for meditation I sometimes feel that pause, the gap, in-between it all. It might only last for a few seconds but it feels endless and it feels like time has no meaning, neither the robot- me . I am what I am and I am 100% present in the moment.
In everyday life we are living in a dualistic egoistic world where we focus a lot of ME it is, as the world would spin around me. This view creates a pressure of that you acting is highly important, and don’t misunderstand me it is but not in the sense that you think. You label everything around from morning until night, dividing into right and wrong, good and bad.
I said at a dinner with my mother a while ago that, I condemn the actions taken by him but not him as a person. And she asked me what I meant. I told her that he is not a bad person but his action is not one that I can accept.
I also think that as we do believe that the world spins around us we also believe that we are able to affect everything around us. We then tend to take everything we do and say too seriously. And I don’t say that we should not be mindful of our actions but that is not the same thing. The first are connected with the ego and the other is not. And whatever we can´t control we don’t understand why. But maybe there is a higher purpose, a stronger power than ours.
"Everything is perfect just the way it is, and so are you",
a comforting quota isn´t it. At least I can rest in those words, they comforts me. It makes me breath and not to struggle so hard. To stay focused and be patient. I don´t think that I can explain how, so for now I leave it up to you to figure it out for you self; what it means to you.
Back to control again. We touched this subject further on in a more personal sense and of course this is a hard one for even those who are trained. But the key is to trust, have faith in what you are doing is the right thing and then act up to ones conviction. kind of figure out what your purpose is and let it guide you. By that four focus will be clear and you actions logical.
Then we turned to the book again.
When it hurts the most, you are holding on (clinging) to hard, Pema Chödrön.
And that is what Yoda said in the first episode of Star Wars when young Anakin Skywalker is standing in front of the Jedi council.
- Be mindful of your feelings, says a Jedi
- Afraid to loose her I sense, says Yoda
- What does that has to do with anything, asks Anakin
- Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads anger, anger to hate, hate to suffering, answers Yoda.
So what are you afraid of? What limits you?
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