A day off

Watching the first episode of  The Sopranos, makes me think about panic attacks and their character. It seams to be so many factors within and the interesting thing is that they all bring out the same result. 

Today I am back in my own apartment, and believe it or not but the heat is on, I am not living in an igloo anymore. My posts in the stairway did make a difference. And that once again proof that if you want to bring about a change it always starts with your actions. It is comforting, because the power then is within you and your life is then not dependent on others to take action. Not at this stage, then of course it all is combined and one action taken by others might affect you but it is always you that decides how to deal with that. At the same time this can make you feel pressured and give you the thoughts that you are suppose to be perfect because you can. If we talk abut friends this might include to try to be there for everyone all the time: as a mother to both work and have quality time; in school that you have to be a top- student and at the same time popular among both girls and boys; when in profession you might know what you should do but you just cant because it seams like you already should have done it, that the train has left the platform. This is dangerous thoughts because they bring you down, instead you should start form where you are, leave the past and decide what you want to do, then make sure you work in that direction. Here is a word that I have hard to take in; you got to have faith in the process.  Is that to believe in or be convinced that you are doing right? And what is right we are back to the pressure of being perfect. What is perfect? Well once again there is only one person that have the answer and that is you. Once again we are standing or sitting there with our selves. It s a vicious circle and if we don’t get a hold of it then it keeps on spinning found us and we find our selves in the middle; dizzy, confused, scared and even maybe trapped, it awokens a feeling of panic.