To be one with the character

And here we go again. Woke up around 12.30 and felt like I had caught the flue. The feeling of loneliness was still there. A wise lady said once that you should hug those feelings and be greatful for them because they are telling you something, and not to push them back. So I did. It didn’t really matter that I was sleeping in as I had a free day. But I don’t like the feeling of an upcoming depression. Maybe the best thing for me isn’t to go to bed around 11 and up early. Maby I feel better to go to sleep around 1.30… Well, surfed the internet for a while and then made myself a shake. I should look into some ideas for articles that I might be able to sell in, but I can’t. I don’t have the energy for it. Ok. Time to boost.
Liftoff and rose-ox to keep the flue away and to deal with the first stage of depression so that it doesn’t goes any further. I have noticed since I begun with herbalife I haven’t had such a terrible emotional rollercoaster and that really is a relief. I did my exercises for my back and had a pasta, packed my stuffs and left for the studio. Pre-broadcast for Sundays´ show. When finally here, I wasn’t the only one who thought this rainy Wednesday to be a good afternoon to be in the studio. There were spots to be recorded and voice track for this evening. Well I sat down in the reception and write a post. When having a coffee I turned a magazine “business traveler” and once again I thought to myself that there are millions of oppertunities to sell in articles so once again WHY DON’T I DO IT ?

This made me think of something a guy I met when writing my master thesis. We were a bunch that used to hook up at the library, write one by one but have coffee and lunch together. Somehow we started to discuss clothes. And he said that you have to be man enough to wear a suit and especially here at university, you kind of have to earn that status and fill the role that comes with the wear. I haven’t thought so much about it since then until now. I might have to add that clothes for me is a way of express yourself, it is a matter of statement. Even if you go against or follow the main stream; dresses classical or sporty it is a part of you that you are showing off.

I have been wearing sneakers, jeans, and t-shirt for long. Nothing special, pretty mainstream. Neither wrong nor special. I think that I didn´t have the energy to care, neither to fill out the female clothes. I kind of escaped, hide. Yesterday I realized that it was fun to match clothes, to fix my hair and to do a make-up. But there might be something important lying in the words of my study-friend. Something that might not only consider clothes but also other parts of our life where we have to be the identity that we show. I know it doesn’t appear clear and maybe that because I’m not really sure of what I mean. I think that I kind of want to say that for me to identify with the role as a radio-reporter has taken a while. I needed time to grow into the role. Today I have. In the book 10 thoughts about time Bodil Jönsson writes about “in-between time” a kind of them that goes from when you first realize something or first come into contact with something until it kind of sinks into you and becomes natural for you. I think that this is where I am when it comes to written journalism. So the next question to ask oneself would then be, how do I proceed? How do I become the role. When I studied to become an actress we read a lot of how to become our character. I think that the same technique might be useful to overcome this barrier.

Hopefully there is someone of my friends that want to discuss this further over a drink tonight. Either way I will dig into my old books and look this up and transform it to my present situation. Tomorrow awaits 1500 dispatch = a lot of time to listen to music and philosophize…