book inspiration

It is hard to come to understand some things of your surrounding, how people interact and how to play that game: i actually bought the book "the game" to gain some inspiration of how it works, I also bought american psycho to dig deeper into what it´s all about and when I the same night came to a friend he had a book, i dont remember the title on, that calimed that everything we do are drawn, all our actions and our like or dis like, from sexuality. So further on I am drinking my shakes,a t least in the mornings, trying to get food in to my stomach during the day and I will try not to eat any unclean food but it´s hard to put into practice, at the same time I now will extend my splitted personality by dive into literature, and to keep on to try to build my every day life out of the code of loving kindness, it´s not easy i can tell. 

For the moment, working in a restaurant is a challenge to apply the code, both considering colleagues and guests and the fact of time schedule for eating and working hours. But I see it as a practice and i know that I only have a few days left here then I am back in town, in my apartment and I can start building routines for real as I am starting a day time job on monday.  a new job also means new possibilities. 

The funny thing is that it seams like it all wraps up for the moment, this summer has been, without me knowing it a turning point in my life, what started here at Sandhamn in 2003 will also come to its end here at the same place, six years later, autumn 2009. And that feels like a relief on me. Like i actually can let go of a burden that has been holding me down. 

The measurements will be posted on monday. During this last rough weeks I have been so glad to have my herbalife shake, even though I haven´t been taking it regular I have taken it and for the last three days I actually start to feel less eager for sugar and sweets, and that´s a good start.  I also get some neutrishment in to my body witch helps me from falling into depression.  

It is a challenge,

Ok, I could either feel like a looser, like someone that has failed or I could regard it all as I process that I am preveliged to be in. I am making conscious choices every day for my own benefit. And as everything that is in progress you will have better and worse days as well as decisions. I said to a friend of mine that when the day comes htat I finish up my life style book I am reading I will have this figured out, and then I will make a major decision based on this time of trial and error.

This is just an excuse you might think, and well it might appear so but I can asure you that measurements and that scale Roger, my herbalifecoach has, it is not lying so in the end it will all show.

So where are the big struggle now. I have left the philosophical level for a moment and focus on health in  a more basic way, as nutrition, water and sleep. This is the basic, without gas the car wont go forward. The question is what sort of gas I should put in and how firm I have to be in my choices, I know I have been talking about this before but it is harder than what one can think because it demands a change in you every day life; a limit and an opportunity at the same time.

I did quit alcohol, what about change food, that’s where I am now. Most of the time this is a change that has to take place in your brain, your controlcenter.

And in line with my life over all this is where I am trying to master the mind, to decide what program I want to run and how and then take control of it.

It is a challenge,

So yes to confess: I had a burger the other night on the boat on my way out to Sandhamn, and yes I have been eating buns and other un healthy cakes as well as stew based on cream and bread with cheese; not taken my herbal pills for my syomach as I should early in the morning but instead around 11 and eaten after taking my evening herbal pills, stayed up late and also woke up early in the morning. Haven´t been doing any training but I am now on my way for a powerwalk with weights around Sandhamn. I had a shake the other morning at 8.30 but no more food until 1800 which is no good.  It is hard being out here knowing you are going to be back in town in a few weeks, where you don’t know how you will solve your economy, and to get a routine. I will therefore have this last week out here to process my decisions and be firm in them in order to implement them. They are to be non affected by outer circumstances as travel or working away from home, but I am not there yet. 

You got to start somewhere, or continue ..!

Week Chest Waist Hip Thais Weight Start 7/9  90 73 92 57   1           2           3           4

27 years old Today !

I have since I was 16 been 23, up until today. I have been longing for this day cause I have been sure that this will mark a new period in my life. End a chapter and turn the page for another to begin.

Tomorrow, or actually in a few hours the first diary sheet will be posted and with it my present measurements.

I also have to clarify my last post, considering dairy products and meat as well as sugar and other food that doesn’t bring me any less than a short pleasure, I wont erase them from my life but I will lessen them and most important I will consume them with a conscious mind. Like one this is allergic, he or she knows how many complementary pills it takes for every amount of that eaten. The same attitude will I use in these areas. But with alcohol that is, for me not possible at first, hopefully I will reach that point when I can regard it the same way and handle it.

Well,

sweet dreams  

Get this party startin´

A week more or less in bed, svine- flue or not I´ve  been out. Automatically you rethink your life situation, as you don’t have so much more to do lying in bed looking at the roof.

I have concluded that dairy products and me are a bad combination, well nothing new as been sensitive for dairy products for a long time, but now I got it clear. A short time of pleasure give a long times pain with a swollen stomach and a state of feeling sick. And yes milk chocolate is made of milk. The same goes for coffee I can have two small cups one in the morning and one in the afternoon after lunch but non in the evening and not more than two totally as it also leaves me with a feeling of throwing up. And then we come to sugar this really is a bad match, a short pleasure and then feeling sick and a burn in my throat which I actually also gets from coffee.

So, as I said this is not new to me but still I do believe that every time another result will take place. Do I fool my self? Don’t know, but I am being irresponsible for my own best when not acting in a way that makes me feel good.

Above, are the easy things. Here comes the rough ones. First meat, not a secret either: I feel some how repulsed when eating it, my stomach swollens up so I look like I am pregnant in 7^th month, and mostly I get that feeling of wanting to throw up.  Some meet are better than other considering my stomach; elk, turkey, ribs etc. fish is fine and all seafood.

Secondly, alcohol, this socializing drink that tells us that a special get-together is on. I don’t think that I ever have been a good match with alcohol. But as all other things we are stubborn in the belief that doing the same experiment over and over again with out changing the components will bring different results. Here is something I have learnt: It won´t. Instead it is up to you to change your approach towards it. So I quit. 

This results for me in a step towards another life-style.

As I promised before, that got interrupted by me being sick, I will post diary sheets everyday to follow the process, I regard it as an experiment.

During this week of sickness I have boosted myself with herbalife as I haven’t had any energy to cook meals. Rose ox herbal tea and the regular formula 1 and protein powder if formula 3, in that way I am convinced that I have given my body fuel to deal with the cold and the fever and also kept myself from falling into slighter depression, which is common for me when being home and sick.

Next post will be a diary sheet..!