Another day were things seamed to have a will of its own. When at the radio right before we were suppose to start to record I realized that the log were not made for Sunday, which means that the play list were not up and I wouldn’t know what
artists and what songs would be played. No harm done, Kalle, who will be my guest in the studio, can be there tomorrow again. “Nice that we are flexible”, he said with a smile. Ok what now, maybe I shall meet up with a friend. Tried some but no result. Why is it always that when we really want someone to pick up they never do! Ok, talked to another guy at the office, told him about my day and he said, “Well some days just are like that” and he is right. This day I have never really been on from the beginning. It is a zombie day. Tried to get some dinner-company but failed. So again, what now? I started to walk through the city to find out.
I felt like a female version of the main character in August Strindberg’s Röda Rummet (The red room) when he just walk in town without any specific destination. Passed Stureplan and thought that maybe I go and see a movie. And so I did. Dan Browns´ “Angels and Demons” were just about to start so I bought a ticked, went to the ladies room and poured my herbalife powder into a juice and I had a dinner-shake. When placed in the cinema I felt pretty pleased, similar to when I am out traveling. A kind of inner peace. Since I started to view everyday as day of back-packing everything got more interesting and also I am living now. The movie it self were neither good not bad. Tom Hanks is a terrific actor he is so human and he are one with his character so naturally on the screen. But I haven’t read the book, those who have consider the movie a disappointment, for me it was what I had expected. But there were not any direct connection to angels and demons, the title should rather have been "illuminarius" or whatever the name were of the ancient secret society.
Maybe the secret is that we feel separated every time we consider us lonely, to reach this conclusion we have to view our selves in comparison to them around us. But if we instead realize that we are never separated, that might bring us comfort and freedom. Like tonight, even if i were physically alone I didn´t felt lonely. Maybe as a single one should strive for … no I don’t really know what to write. Maybe I am trying to find out why so many people are creating something in life that will remind them of some kind of meaning with life it self. Is that what one should do? It doesn’t come natural for me. To buy a dog, have a kid or to find a man; to have a job that I build my life around; tie my self up with principles or routines!
No, I think that happiness lies in the the power of now and in freedom.
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